20 October 2010

Starting All Over Again

I'm only giving myself about fifteen minutes to come up with a post, so I apologize in advance if this one is a disappointment. In fact, I apologize if my lack of posting in general has been a disappointment for any of you who enjoy reading here. I don't really have a good excuse. I suppose my explanation is that my habits have changed. And the results have been unintentional. Not only that, but I am not happy with those results. So now I have to learn again how to develop this habit called blogging. Because I do desire to do it often. And I desire to do it well. But all that desiring is worthless without some actual ACTION on my part. So here I sit, typing this post.

Some things have gone on this year that have caused me to think about those areas of my life that I do well (or at least think that I do well), and those areas that I do not do well at all. Some things in our personal lives we can look at and pinpoint how or why we got to be that way. And knowing that might be helpful to understand ourselves, but it might also be a dangerous way of excusing ourselves from facing our faults. I know that this paragraph is a bit self-analytical, but I have to face the reality of who I am, and no longer blame others or excuse myself, but to take full responsibility for my short-comings. I don't need to feed my ego by reminding myself of what I do well so that I don't wallow in despair. I think it's time for me to own up to those areas of my life that only I can be held accountable for.

So this is not easy to write about. I want to be able to make a nice sermon out of everything. I want others to share in my convictions and see those same faults in themselves. I want to be right all the time. I want others to look to me as the shining good example, rather than the dinged-up bad example. And I care what others think about me. But that's not even the issue I want to ultimately focus on.

And...what do you know? The timer is beeping at me. I have to go pick up the kids from school, and my quiet moment of writing must come to a stop. For now. So consider this an introduction, and let's see where it takes us. In the meantime, think about an area of your life that you have struggled with--call it a weakness, a besetting sin, a shortfall--and think about how it has affected your life. Maybe we'll have a discussion. Or I could be talking to the crickets. Either way, I plan to return.