B.J. for President

My fellow citizens, today is a brand new day! It’s time to consider the future. Soon we will be electing a new person to lead this great country, and I am in favor of embracing new ideas, new strategies, new onesies—whatever it takes to make this great country great again. Therefore, I am announcing my candidacy for president. It’s not too late to make a change, so vote for me on election day.

I am pro-family. I support the notion that there should be a breast for every baby, and a baby for every breast. My opponents want you to believe that because of my inexperience I am not capable of leading this country. I say poo on them. Just look at my bald head. Not a single one of my opponents can boast that they are naturally bald and beautiful. Let me tell you something, and look at me carefully: I didn’t get this way overnight!

My ideas about health care are simple. Everyone should take at least two naps a day, and sleep for ten to twelve hours a night. If that doesn’t cure you, then it’s time to visit your Mama. My opponents think that my health care plan is naive. But I think they’re just saying that because they haven’t slept a decent night since they were five.

My opponents think that because I haven’t picked a running mate yet that I have no idea what kinds of responsibilities a president will have while in office, or something like that. I can’t remember exactly anymore. Who cares what my opponents think? I can make a fist and shake it just as passionately as they can. I can even make a mean looking face that shows people I’m serious when I’m talking.

And I’m talking! Even if my lips are sealed, I mean business. And I’m in the business of change. C-H-A- whatever. You know, change. Business. Speaking of business, I’ve been a little busy myself and could use a change. Mommy!

Peace, out. Power to the Pampers!

Vote for B.J.!